Observations on observations of the unchurched

This week Thom Rainer, who has written numerous books, most on ‘church growth’ such as, Surprising insights from the unchurched and proven ways to reach them, wrote about comments non-Christians often make about Christians (see here). Before I offer some critique, let me be clear that his main point is that non-Christians want to talk to believers about their faith, which is a good reminder, especially to many of us who are like the bubble-boy [obscure cultural reference help] and never venture outside our Christian contacts except for superficial interactions. So in that respect his observations are helpful. There are however some unanswered assumptions in the ‘comments’ he records which he left unchallenged, but which I think need to be addressed, either for ourselves as believers or in our conversations with unbelievers who raise the same or similar objections. I will address these one at a time.

 “1. Christians are against more things than they are for. ‘It just seems to me that Christians are mad at the world and mad at each other. They are so negative that they seem unhappy. I have no desire to be like them and stay upset all the time.’” To a degree this is a valid concern. Too many Christians are angry a lot for wrong reasons, most likely because we are continuing to justify ourselves by works instead of resting in the joyous grace of Christ. Sometimes though the anger is valid if we are upset with sin. The fact that unbelievers are not angry is due to the fact that they are in happy complicity with the sin of the world, or they get angry at the wrong things. And let’s be honest, there are a lot of cranky pagans out there, so spare us the myth of the happy natives who are ruined by Christian missionaries.

“2. I would like to develop a friendship with a Christian. ‘I'm really interested in what they believe and how they carry out their beliefs. I wish I could find a Christian that would be willing to spend some time with me.’” This is a point well taken, and a reminder not to wall ourselves off from unbelievers. Yet we need to be clear we are not presenting to them one choice which is equally valid among other choices they can make. We ought to be gracious and yet clear that Jesus demands repentance and submission to His Lordship.

 “3. I would like to learn about the Bible from a Christian. ‘The Bible really fascinates me, but I don't want to go to a stuffy and legalistic church to learn about it. I would be nice if a Christian invited me to study the Bible in his home or at a place like Starbucks.’” There is nothing wrong with inviting unbelievers to our home or Starbucks for Bible study (unless Starbucks really irritates you like it does me). Yes, some churches are stuffy or legalistic, but I suspect most unbelievers who would voice this objection are really saying, “I want to study the Bible, but I don’t want you to insist that it demands any response from me. I want to be selective in what I take away from it.” What they mean by legalism is in fact the moral demands of the law which ought to still guide believers after we are saved – ie, sanctification.

“4. I don't see much difference in the way Christians live compared to others. ‘I really can't tell what a Christian believes because he doesn't seem much different than other people I know. The only exception would be Mormons. They really seem to take their beliefs seriously.’” Too many of us are guilty as charged. Yet I would rather live an open example where unbelievers come to understand that when I commit one of my multitudinous sins, I am forgiven by Christ. I also want to avoid a life in which there is no noticeable growth in grace and holiness, and I want to avoid a stale works righteousness like the Mormons live.

“5. I wish I could learn to be a better husband, wife, dad, mom, etc., from a Christian. ‘My wife is threatening to divorce me, and I think she means it this time. My neighbor is a Christian, and he seems to have it together. I am swallowing my pride and asking him to help me.’” Again, let them see not a façade of false-righteousness, but relationships in which the forgiveness of Christ is what holds things together. An unbeliever coming to us for such reasons needs to understand that until their relationship with God has been reconciled through Christ, no other relationships will truly flourish.

“6. Some Christians try to act like they have no problems. ‘Harriett works in my department. She is one of those Christians who seem to have a mask on. I would respect her more if she didn't put on such an act. I know better.’” I’m sure there are believers like that out there, but I honestly don’t run into them that much. If anything we whine too much in front of others about our problems without also commenting on how the Lord has blessed us in the midst of struggles. Reading the Psalms regularly will cure this!

“7. I wish a Christian would take me to his or her church. ‘I really would like to visit a church, but I'm not particularly comfortable going by myself. What is weird is that I am 32-years old, and I've never had a Christian invite me to church in my entire life.’” If Christians are guilty of keeping to our own circles, so are unbelievers. Yet we ought to be ashamed that we don’t invite more unbelievers to church…and to our homes…and into our lives. Ultimately, we need to be inviting them to Christ, and if God works grace in their hearts, they will come to church as well.